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Jokes
Jun 21, 2013 14:39:10 GMT
Post by Admin_Vistamike on Jun 21, 2013 14:39:10 GMT
Computer or otherwise, put them up here please, even the old ones are the best!
Silly but interesting, like this;
- You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts... - Man, and do you have life? - OMG, No! Could you send me a link?
A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen". The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them". Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely oops now".
Man and wife together is setting a new password on their computer. Man enters "My_penis" and his wife fall on the floor laughing out loudly after computer answers: "Too short..."
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.
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Jokes
Jun 22, 2013 8:10:55 GMT
Post by Lighthouse on Jun 22, 2013 8:10:55 GMT
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Jokes
Jun 30, 2013 22:59:24 GMT
Post by bubbatie1 on Jun 30, 2013 22:59:24 GMT
I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I almost fell in.
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Jokes
Jul 1, 2013 10:29:14 GMT
Post by Lighthouse on Jul 1, 2013 10:29:14 GMT
bubbatie1. Were you peeing off the high board ?
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Jokes
Jul 1, 2013 11:35:14 GMT
Post by bubbatie1 on Jul 1, 2013 11:35:14 GMT
the Lifegaurds chair post . 1 rung from bottom to avoid pee'n on my toes !
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Jokes
Jul 3, 2013 21:17:20 GMT
Post by warlock on Jul 3, 2013 21:17:20 GMT
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, and mumbles "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
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Jokes
Jul 4, 2013 6:05:55 GMT
Post by kate on Jul 4, 2013 6:05:55 GMT
Gave Hubby and I a good chuckle to start the Day......
Thank yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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Jokes
Jul 12, 2013 21:11:54 GMT
Post by warlock on Jul 12, 2013 21:11:54 GMT
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
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Jokes
Jul 29, 2013 23:57:29 GMT
Post by warlock on Jul 29, 2013 23:57:29 GMT
Two 90-year-old men, Phil and Joe, had been friends all of their lives.
When it was clear that Phil was dying, Joe visited him every day.
One day Joe said, "Phil, we both loved playing baseball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor: when you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's baseball there."
Phil looked up at Joe from his deathbed and said, "Joe, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."
Shortly after that, Phil died.
A few nights later, Joe was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Joe, Joe ."
"Who is it?" asked Joe, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Joe -- it's me, Phil"
"You're not Phil . Phil just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Phil," insisted the voice.
"Phil, where are you?"
"In heaven," replied Phil. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," said Joe.
"The good news," Phil said with joy and enthusiasm, "is that there is baseball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before me are here, too. Even better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always Springtime and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play ball all we want, and we never get tired." And we get to play with all the Greats of the past!
"That's fantastic," said Joe "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"
"You're pitching Tuesday."
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Jokes
Sept 20, 2013 0:41:58 GMT
Post by warlock on Sept 20, 2013 0:41:58 GMT
Secure password:)
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Jokes
Mar 17, 2014 1:44:08 GMT
Post by warlock on Mar 17, 2014 1:44:08 GMT
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare
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Jokes
Mar 17, 2014 11:31:35 GMT
Post by Admin_Vistamike on Mar 17, 2014 11:31:35 GMT
"SPAGHETTI"
For several years, a man had been having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided to him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go back to Italy to secretly have the child.
Also, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back when the child was born.
He would then arrange for the Child Support Payments to begin.
One day, about 8 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "You received a very strange postcard today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce
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Jokes
Apr 6, 2014 3:07:18 GMT
Post by warlock on Apr 6, 2014 3:07:18 GMT
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Jokes
Aug 18, 2014 19:39:20 GMT
Post by warlock on Aug 18, 2014 19:39:20 GMT
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Jokes
Aug 19, 2014 4:20:06 GMT
Post by Admin_Vistamike on Aug 19, 2014 4:20:06 GMT
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